As I hoped, things began to come into focus once I started over. In this, ostensibly the final cut, I’ve totally rerecorded everything from scratch. I eliminated the screaming middle bit and found the song a lot gentler and sadder, sort of more faithful to the original emotion behind its creation. I kept the idea, though, and transformed it into a sad, singing middle section played only once in the song. I also rewrote some lines, which changes the song significantly in my eyes. To wit:

You are never alone, that’s what you say to the empty hallway,
I am always here, listening to voices in my head,
You know nothing about the meaning of the words never and always,
And I am already dust, everyone’s already dead.

Severely edited, became:

You are never alone, that’s what you say to your pale reflection,
And I am always here, listening to voices in my head,
We are nothing but the product of late night introspection,
And I am already gone, who can remember what you said?

I hope this makes it kind of sadder, less angry, more thoughtful. I’ve also added a new section at the end, typically finishing my songs with this grand orgy of overdubbing. I’m a little worried that maybe all my songs tend to do this, but it just seems so perfect to me almost all the time. I think about half of the songs sketched out for this album have some grand ending like this. Maybe that’s too much, or maybe it’s just my style. I find it’s hard to tell with these things when you’re in the middle of it.

I like this song, but it was not anywhere as quick or easy to record as I’d hoped. It was in fact a brutal process, and in all honesty I’m not even fully satisfied with some parts. Who knows what I’ll think next week, though. I’m crossing my fingers that the next song will go more smoothly.

Download Free